So, yesterday I was taking a stroll through the park. My heart has not been right, and I needed to get out near nature and just take time with God and pray. As I was walking around the lake, a song popped into my head; a Christian song from back in the 90s. It goes something along the lines of "I choose You as Lord of my life..." but for the life of me, I couldn't remember how the next line went. Minutes went by, and the line was still repeating in my head over and over again, which is absolutely maddening when you have a song stuck in your head but you only know one line! Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I sat on a bench and whipped out my iPhone because I had to know what this next line was. So, I Googled the lyrics and couldn't seem to find the song, but the key words in the lyrics brought me to an ebook that caught my eye. The author was writing about an experience she had where a man she was interested in had asked her out on a date. The author immediately went to God in prayer and wanted nothing but His will in the situation. Once in the relationship, she set boundaries for her temptations because of her love for God. Her primary focus was to live for God, even at the detriment of her own hopes, desires, and dreams.
As I was reading, this woman's love for God both challenged and convicted me and I suddenly realized that I do not have that measure of love for the Lord like this woman did. Her desire was more for the Lord than marriage or a relationship, and though it stung, I realized that my desire is more for a marriage or relationship than for the Lord. What a heart change I had yesterday!
Of course, after reading that small excerpt from the ebook for about five or ten minutes, I still didn't know the correct lyrics, but the song was no longer stuck in my head. God was using a song that had nothing to do with singleness or relationships to bring me to a book that challenged my view on singleness and relationships. And now that I have finally Googled the correct lyrics, how fitting they are!
I choose You as Lord of my life
Be Lord of my days
Be Lord of my nights
I trust in You to meet my needs
I'm choosing You who first chose me
A couple years ago, my church and I went to Atlantic City to bless the people who had been affected by Hurricane Sandy. We got together that morning and spent a couple hours putting together sandwiches and care packages for anyone we could find who could use them. It was a great feeling, and I couldn't wait to hand them out and just be a blessing to people.
When we got there, there were a number of people were grateful, and it blessed me. But there were also a lot of people who felt entitled and greedy; people who tried to usurp the whole supply of care packages, people who demanded we give them the packages, and people who walked away without saying thank you. It was a great reminder to me that I wasn't doing this for my own accolades, but to glorify God and show His love.
Though it was a learning experience for me, that's not the point of this article I am writing. God revealed something to me about gratitude. He reminded me that I found little enjoyment in blessing people with something they felt they already deserved that day in Atlantic City, and then He gently asked me to put myself in His shoes. I'll admit I'm constantly asking God for things out of my own selfishness, and often I get mad when I don't get them. "Why do other people get a house, a family, a six figure salary? Why do they get these things, and I don't have them, God?" Yes, I have a sense of entitlement as well. I feel as if I am owed these things, that I deserve these things, I often demand these things, and if I don't get these things, I am bitter. If I do get these things, I probably won't even say thank you or appreciate that God did something for me that He didn't have to. That's no fun for God!
May we always remember to be thankful every day for our blessings. Not only because it will give us great peace, but it will also bring Him great joy!
